What Do You *Really* Want?

via James A. Owen

Hello you lovely people!

Today (Thursday, 29 May) has been an interesting day for me. I'm in a very good place, and for the first time in a long time my mind feels clear.

Part of the reason for this is that today was different from my normal routine in a surprisingly awesome way. My husband took the day off his day job to help his dad with some things, so I had the car. I invited my sister over to watch the boys for a few hours so I could go write.

So, from about noon to four this afternoon I sat at the coffee shop and did word sprints. I got two chapters totally rewritten and one revised, totaling about 2800 new words.

It. Felt. Amazing.

During the course of that time, I got a fortune cookie from a nearby restaurant as well. It read:

Make those special talents you have work like a charm.

I kept the fortune. 

When I got home, it was to find my kids happy, my sister happy, and myself ready to play with and care for them. After taking my sister home, my husband brought home dinner (read: I didn't have to cook) and we got the kids fed, bathed, and put to bed. It was at this point that I sat down to start writing again. As I often do, I checked Twitter and Facebook before beginning, and found a couple of things that gave me pause.

One was seeing the photo quote I've posted above, from James Owen, along with reading his accompanying post (linked in the caption). James is one of the people I most look up to in publishing, not only because of what he has accomplished, but because he's learned through trial and error how to lift himself and others to higher planes of joy. Reading his words of encouragement hit me hard, and I determined to make tonight really count.

The second experience was a friend on Twitter who said she wants to plan on going to BEA next year, and wants me and another friend to come and room with her. Of course, in theory I was all over the idea and *sqeeeeed* right along with her. Then she said, "So, before I get my hopes up, logistically, if all goes well, could you both do it?"

As I began typing out, "Well, it depends," and "I'd like to say yes, but," I found myself unable to complete the thought. Remembering James's words, be fearless, and speak your truth, I had to sit back and really think. I'm a big believer that we create our own destinies. At that moment, as I began to make excuses for a future that might or might not happen, I realized I was holding myself back.

If I want my life to change, I have to be the one to change it.

So this is me, shouting to the world my truth, my desires, and putting them out there for all to see. I want to make a career out of writing stories. I want writing to be not just a hobby, but what I do, and who I am. I want to help provide for my family with my books. I want to go to conventions and workshops to both learn and teach. I want to touch the lives of my readers and let them take my art and make it their own. My writing may not be perfect right now, but I can promise I'll work harder than anyone to make it the best it can be.

In short, I want to be an author.

I call myself an author and writer all the time, but only today has it really sunk in that this is truly what I want to do with my life. I firmly believe that I can and I know, in time, I will.

I'd love to hear your truth.

What do you really want? 


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